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“EMK’s advice seems unrealistic for anyone not wearing a promise ring.” Actually, it’s quite realistic.If you think she’s playing games to “catch” you, then nothing I can do will convince you.You think you have to discover this BEFORE you have a commitment…but isn’t the whole point of dating to continue to discover things to assess whether you can spend your life with a person? I’m saying that you can engage in lots of serious foreplay before having sex, give an exclusive relationship a shot, and if it doesn’t work for ANY reason, you have the right to break up, one months, two months, three months down the line.
You “sex first” people act as if you have to have sex before commitment or else. Or else you’d discover after a month that you have different libidos, or that he isn’t great at cunnilingus?
Believe it or not, most men do not lie in order to get sex. Sex is so readily available from women that there’s no incentive for a guy to have to say something untrue like, “I love you” or “I want to be your boyfriend” in order to get laid. Holding out for commitment will, in fact, scare the guy away who only wants to get laid. And if she let me know that she didn’t sleep with guys outside of a commitment, I’d have been out the door in a heartbeat.
Naturally, calling a guy a boyfriend doesn’t guarantee a lasting marriage – not by any stretch of the imagination. Which is the entire point of my suggestion – it weeds out the guys who aren’t serious about you really fast.
“Best thing is to remove expectations so you will never get hurt.” As a dating coach, I spend a lot of time managing women’s expectations and trying to ensure they’re realistic.
If you expect to fall in love in 30 days on Match, you’ll be disappointed.